Choices.

I feel compelled to right this all down, because I feel like it may help another living soul besides myself. I wrote it my journal a couple of weeks ago and I have been nagging myself to put it into the blogosphere. It started out as a rambling about someone from my past that I was venting on paper about. If that makes sense? Then it turned into this... "I've learned that no one is perfect. Mistakes and broken promises do not mean that we are ruined. It means that we have a choice to make. We can choose at ANY time to have an extraordinary life. We can pick up the pieces and choose to be happy. We can surround ourselves with positive, understanding, uplifting people. People who LOVE us. It is never ever too late to turn yourself around and it is never too late to be better or to change your circumstances. God is forgiving and as long as we are willing to put that first foot forwards, he is going to change our hearts, our minds and our souls. He has made me stronger, better. Heavenly Father is a wonderment. Even though I fail him every single day, he still loves me and wants what is best for me. He continues to try pushing me in the right direction, even when I struggle to believe. His light is good and everlasting. I know that this life is hard. Some days, I want to throw in the towel. If I have faith and endure, I know that I'm going to be alright."

Chaos.

What a CRAZY couple of weeks we have had here in the Robel house! Today, was pretty wild. We ran around, trying to get a bunch of things done. I came home and decided that we were going to hang out in the backyard, so that Owen could play in his kitty pool. I walked around the pool to grab one of his little buckets out of it and there was a GIANT dead squirrel floating in the pool. I screamed the loudest and girliest scream I have ever heard. Oh what a gross thing. I called Stephen's little brother to come and get it out. I was terrified. Mainly because I didn't want Owen to touch the water OR the squirrel. Needless to say, we went in the front yard to play.

Owen also pooped in the tub for the millionth  time tonight. I just wanted to cry. laugh. scream.

He is a very busy little bee. Getting into everything and I don't slow down for a minute with him. Somedays, I am really dragging trying to keep up. But, my life has purpose and for that I am eternally grateful.

The other day, I was pulling into my garage, when I heard a popping noise. I thought I had run something over and was freaking out thinking I popped my tire. I backed out and it turns out it was a gallon of bright green paint. I have been working all summer on this dresser and had probably an hour left of painting. Needless to say, the paint went EVERYWHERE. All over the side of my car, sky high and all over the ceiling/wall. All over the dresser. I got it off of the car and mostly off of the wall. But, I'm afraid the dresser is done for. Anyways, sorry to get sidetracked. I had Owen AND Emma that day. (Emma is little girl that I watch on occasion) I was trying to get the final touches done for a bridal shower that I was throwing at my house that evening and this happens. I let both of the kids out of the car and told them not to touch the water or paint that was running down the driveway. Of course, telling two toddlers to do anything you want them to, is impossible. They were covered in green.

My mom keeps telling me that she isn't surprised by anything that he does. She has seen it all. I am beginning to think that I have too.

Every single day, it seems like there is some craziness! I think it is because we are gearing DOWN from this deployment. Stephen will be home sometime NEXT WEEK. Yes, you all heard correctly. As in home, home. I am so ecstatic. It has been a long and trying year for the both of us. But, we made it out together.  Stronger and better! I have so many more ramblings on. But, I guess you will have to wait to hear them. Long day tomorrow! Can't wait to tell you about it. (:

Teaching me all about life...

I have been so caught up with deployment, feeling sorry for myself, worrying about the weather, money, my hair, Owen getting dirty... & every other thing on the planet, I completely forgot what it means to enjoy life... the moment... the ones we love most. I have had a few reminders over the past few months and it finally clicked the other day. Almost 2 years ago, I found out I was pregnant with Owen and by God giving me that precious little ray of sunshine, he gave me what he knew I needed, a lifelong partner. Baby O goes everywhere with me. I know a lot of moms can relate. I don't even go to the bathroom alone. Somedays, I just want to pull out all of my hair and scream. The other day, while I was trying to paint it HIT me. Owen came and stuck his whole hand in the paint bucket, throwing paint everywhere. I turned around and just before I opened my mouth to yell at him, I saw the look on his face. Grin from ear to ear, paint ALL over him and I couldn't stay mad. Instead, I handed him a paintbrush and let him "help" me.

I learned that not everything goes as planned and sometimes we should just go with the unexpected. In fact, Owen teaches me A LOT of things... daily, hourly, every minute of every day...

Next, is of O sleeping the day away. I think this was at 10:30 AM. I have been so caught up with work and life and needing to get this or that done, that I haven't slept in much.

So... another lesson.. it's alright to sleep when you're tired or just want a nap.

This next picture is of Owen at the lake. He is TERRIFIED of water. So for him to just run and start playing is a huge feat. I guess this lesson is to jump in with both feet OR do something that I'm afraid of.

It's alright to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing!

 Sometimes... it's alright to be part of the crowd. I know I know... born to stand out, bla bla bla.

I have taken many pictures, but some things I was in the moment and didn't get some. But others include and are not limited to: Jumping on the bed. Eating cookies for dinner. Feeding birds. Loving EVERY living thing.

 Dancing to any beat or rhythm and not caring at all  what you look like...

Laughing at really random things. Loving me unconditionally. Crying until he gets his way... There are hundreds of things that I could list. My point is when we think we are teaching our kids, they are teaching us about life. Isn't that a saying of some kind already?


Touching every single person he meets. He is such a special little boy. Even when he is tired or cranky. Cute and cuddly..,. he has brought so much happiness into EVERYONES lives. He sure is growing like a weed too. Makes me so sad.


Anyways... I needed to write a special little thing just for him. Goodness I love that little wild Indian Boy. I'm sure now that my sanity is back intact you will be hearing from me much more often! Yay you. (:

Fishing is the best therapy..

So I have gone fishing a couple of times this last week. I honestly lOVE sitting on the lake and just soaking in the fresh air and sunshine. The wind picked up but, all in all it was a fun time. Here is a picture of the lake we were on..

                              This is a picture of the first fish I caught on Friday evening.

Owen was pretty well behaved on Friday and was very interested in helping me fish. Today, he was not so much. All he wanted to do was talk to the dogs and get in the water with them. At first it was cute, then it just got frustrating. He was being a little monster!! But I guess that is what you get when you take a one year old fishing.

My niece also was a peach while we were out today. She wouldn't fish with bait because it was a living thing. (I don't understand why she wanted to go fishing in the first place if that is the case). Then after the first fish was caught and the hook was in pretty deep, she was crying and got in the water with it to try and make it live, when clearly it was already dead. Poor girl... I felt bad. But, if you're going to go fishing, you have to realize that some fish are going to get caught & then eaten.

I just got O to sleep & will be up somewhat late packaging and addressing Mother's Day baskets to ship out in the a.m. Hope everyone had a wonderful Sunday. (:

Heartache.

I have not been very good at this whole blogging bit. I lOVE to fill you in on our lives and new adventures... but I have been way too busy & way too stressed out to worry about it. Isn't that the story of our lives? Too busy & over stressed...

I give credit to all of the women and/or men who have endured more than one deployment with their spouse away.... cause I think it's for the birds. Seriously, I have never been so grateful to have an extra hand just to carry a bag out to my car. I don't ever want to take Stephen for granted.. he does SO much and helps out so much while he is home. Speaking of home... I soon will be driving back to Michigan. What's that you say? I said that a month ago? Well you are right. I have actually been to Michigan and back to Wyoming in the last couple of weeks. I hit a deer with my car and totalled it. Therefore, flying out to MI, buying a new car & driving back the 307. Why not stay in Michigan you ask? Well, I had a very large order of Mother's Day baskets to do, surgery and a few other things in between. Life has taken me, thrown me a blender and turned it on HIGH.

 I am over heartache today. Most of you will find out this stuff one way or the other so I'm just going to come out and say it. I miscarried. This time it was a bit more complicated and I thought that I was finally alright and had accepted it. Well, a couple of weeks later and it has taken its toll on me. I am devastated. Yes folks, I am alright. But, going to the doctor and discovering you are 14 weeks pregnant, with not one baby, but two.(14 weeks roughly because I don't remember how far along I was when I found out) I was ECSTATIC ( so was the Hubster)! I have always wanted twins. I am a twin and although we don't always get along, I loved growing up with someone there with me all the time.

Well there were complications and Baby "B" was not growing at the same rate as Baby "A". I set up another appointment for the following week to see if there was a change in condition with Baby "B". This was terrible, seeing as how Stephen is across the world and I couldn't console him and he couldn't hold me while I had a major breakdown. So I went back to the doctor and Baby "B" didn't have a heartbeat. It actually turns out that neither of them could make it because of complications with everything. I had to drive home and wait for Stephen to call and deliver the bad news. But I will have all of you know... I KEPT IT TOGETHER. I still basically kept it together until today, then I sat here and cried into my lap for a good 2 hours.

Anyways... we scheduled surgery to have both babies removed for May 9th so that we had the possibility of getting Stephen home to be here with me & O. Long story shorter... while I was in Michigan, waiting to come back to Wyoming to have surgery in Utah, I miscarried. A long and sad and painful night in the hospital with just my little man to make me feel better. The few of you who knew or think you knew, sorry I haven't filled you in on all of this. I just couldn't face it then. I also will have you know, that I carried those little boys for 17 weeks.

I realize that God has a plan and that our families are already chosen for us. Sometimes I just don't understand why the things happen the way that they do. But, today I had a minor freakout... on Stephen, on myself. I seriously thought that I was going to lose my marbles. I apologize honey, you are my light. I will never do that again.

 After much contemplation and prayer today, I know that I will heal from all of this. I just need to keep the faith. Which right now, I am holding on to it for dear life.

March Madness.

March Madness... and I'm not talking about basketball. As of right now Stephen has been gone for 3 whole months. :(
But, between Owen being sick and me being sick... it has gone by pretty quickly. It is also our 3 month Anniversary! I can't believe that we have already been married for that long. Probably because married life is so much like single life, I'm all alone.

Right now we are out in WYOMING. One of my very best friends from high school got married and I couldn't miss it. Here is a picture of us from the night. This is the first time we had all been together in about 4 years..

It was so nice to finally catch up and I even had a couple hours without O. Thanks sista for watching him. (: A few days later we picked up my niece from the airport and it has been a great week with her here. We had a lot of fun adventures together... like usual. LOVE this GIRL.

This was at the bookfair. We took all the kids to. It was so fun. I think I made out like a bandit. With about 10 books for O. Woot!

I let my niece paint Owen's face too. He was our little Indian war Baby for the night.

My older brother let me take my niece, J for a ride and it was fun. I only killed it twice too!

A couple of these are from us swimming. Owen loved the water. But I'm not surprised.

This was the first time O was ever on a horse and he smiled and laughed the entire time. He even got mad when we finally made him get off. He is a natural outdoorsman. I can't wait until he is a little bigger to do more fun stuff with him.

I would say it was a pretty successful couple of weeks and week/end. I have loved being home and spending time with my family and my friends. Soon it will be back to Michigan. But I am excited to get back and get started on a bunch of stuff to come up in the future. A 5K, Owen's 1st Birthday, decorating and EVENT PLANNING. We are excited for what is in store in our little family. (:

Wonderful things to come.

While I have a free minute I have a few things that I want ya'll to know. First, poor O has been sick for what seems forever. On Saturday night he really scared me with his coughing and wheezing. So back to the hospital we went. He had to have chest xrays and all sorts of stuff. It was NOT fun. But he was such a big boy and did so well. The diagnosis was a virus, no RSV thank goodness. They did put him on some breathing treatments though. Every 4 hours or as needed. Which is about accurate, more so at night.

I've also been slaving away at getting things together for my company!! I am now officially an Event Coordinator. I have my first few events in the books and am always looking for more things to keep me busy (So if you're interested... wink wink). A couple of birthday parties and an anniversary party so far. But weddings and such are what I would really LOVE to do. I will get there. I know you are all thinking, "Can she take on another earthly thing?"

Well I am actually really glad to be so busy. Just not while O is sick.

I also have been trying to workout every night after he is in bed. It has been working out pretty nicely and I am finally seeing results. After a little over 10 months I can finally see what used to be my body... or close to it. I know that it is altered a little but I think I will be pretty happy to be able to wear swimsuit again this summer. Holler! I am EXHAUSTED... But I will leave you with a picture of my little helper. Have a good night ya'll. xoxo