I give credit to all of the women and/or men who have endured more than one deployment with their spouse away.... cause I think it's for the birds. Seriously, I have never been so grateful to have an extra hand just to carry a bag out to my car. I don't ever want to take Stephen for granted.. he does SO much and helps out so much while he is home. Speaking of home... I soon will be driving back to Michigan. What's that you say? I said that a month ago? Well you are right. I have actually been to Michigan and back to Wyoming in the last couple of weeks. I hit a deer with my car and totalled it. Therefore, flying out to MI, buying a new car & driving back the 307. Why not stay in Michigan you ask? Well, I had a very large order of Mother's Day baskets to do, surgery and a few other things in between. Life has taken me, thrown me a blender and turned it on HIGH.
I am over heartache today. Most of you will find out this stuff one way or the other so I'm just going to come out and say it. I miscarried. This time it was a bit more complicated and I thought that I was finally alright and had accepted it. Well, a couple of weeks later and it has taken its toll on me. I am devastated. Yes folks, I am alright. But, going to the doctor and discovering you are 14 weeks pregnant, with not one baby, but two.(14 weeks roughly because I don't remember how far along I was when I found out) I was ECSTATIC ( so was the Hubster)! I have always wanted twins. I am a twin and although we don't always get along, I loved growing up with someone there with me all the time.
Well there were complications and Baby "B" was not growing at the same rate as Baby "A". I set up another appointment for the following week to see if there was a change in condition with Baby "B". This was terrible, seeing as how Stephen is across the world and I couldn't console him and he couldn't hold me while I had a major breakdown. So I went back to the doctor and Baby "B" didn't have a heartbeat. It actually turns out that neither of them could make it because of complications with everything. I had to drive home and wait for Stephen to call and deliver the bad news. But I will have all of you know... I KEPT IT TOGETHER. I still basically kept it together until today, then I sat here and cried into my lap for a good 2 hours.
Anyways... we scheduled surgery to have both babies removed for May 9th so that we had the possibility of getting Stephen home to be here with me & O. Long story shorter... while I was in Michigan, waiting to come back to Wyoming to have surgery in Utah, I miscarried. A long and sad and painful night in the hospital with just my little man to make me feel better. The few of you who knew or think you knew, sorry I haven't filled you in on all of this. I just couldn't face it then. I also will have you know, that I carried those little boys for 17 weeks.
I realize that God has a plan and that our families are already chosen for us. Sometimes I just don't understand why the things happen the way that they do. But, today I had a minor freakout... on Stephen, on myself. I seriously thought that I was going to lose my marbles. I apologize honey, you are my light. I will never do that again.
After much contemplation and prayer today, I know that I will heal from all of this. I just need to keep the faith. Which right now, I am holding on to it for dear life.
Hugs, Lacy. You are so much stronger than you know, and you're an inspiration. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Praying for your whole family.
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